So I have decided to just add an update. I can't believe I am turning thirty on Saturday!! Seriously.... old people turn 30! Haha... just kidding! Well, turning 30 comes with a whole new set of surveillance. On July 8th I will be having a pelvic ultrasound and a CA-125 drawn. I am already starting to get nervous thinking about that. I have a tough time when I am waiting to have tests and results that I have no control over. I still don't want to have a BSO (bilateral salpingo oophorectomy) yet, which is ultimately having my ovaries removed. But the more I think about having to go through the anxious waiting every 6 months waiting on results, the more I think that will be an option sooner rather than later. On July 11th, I get to meet with the plastic surgeon to go over what to expect on August 2nd!!!!! I am so excited to have my exchange surgery. I think I bruised my friend this weekend, when we put our arms around each for a picture and I ran into her with my boulders!!
This weekend we took the boys camping with a family that has boys close to our boys age. We have been friends with these guys for about 8-9 years. This weekend was so much fun, nature trails, fishing (without hooks, of course... the boys ages were 6,5,4, and almost 3, we didn't want to be pulling hooks out of boys heads this weekend) campfires and just crazy, stinky little boys! It was a bittersweet weekend. It was a good-bye weekend. I hate good-byes!! They are moving in a week. I know I need to get used to good byes with moving in 3 months, but it never is easy. I don't look forward to saying good bye again. We just need to bring our people with us to Florida! :-)
The past couple of weeks, I have found a couple of great groups on facebook for breast cancer survivors and/or BRCA positive women. The first group is Young Previvors, https://www.facebook.com/groups/bravebosom/ and the other is Beyond the Pink Moon, https://www.facebook.com/groups/BeyondthePinkMoon/. The first group is focused more towards BRCA positive women and women with high risk family history of breast cancer without BRCA mutations. The general amount of people in this group have not had cancer, they are doing different surveillance measures or prophylactic options. The second group has more women who have had breast cancer. Both of these groups are amazing!!! These women are so supportive and also are great to ask questions and have discussions with. I highly recommend both of these groups!!!! I have to say, I am grateful for all the wonderful people I have met along this journey!!
There is a blog I have been following that has reminded me why I went through what I did.. But doctor I hate pink, http://www.butdoctorihatepink.com/
She is an amazing blogger!!! I can not believe the fight, strength, humor, and love and she has terminal breast cancer. She is an amazing inspiration, her blogs make laugh, make me cry, make me angry to see what cancer has done to families, make me grateful I am not fighting cancer. I have read some women who have talked about having survivors guilt when they know/meet someone with a different prognosis. It is difficult to explain, I feel this, too. My mom and I received a letter the other day from a woman who wanted to thank us for the letter and was telling us about her mother/daughter story. Both of them are fighting breast cancer and was diagnosed about the same time with it. I felt guilty that I had the opportunity to not have to fight that fight and many women are not so lucky.
Sunday, June 30, 2013
Friday, June 14, 2013
I have a date!!!!
Yes!!!!! I have a date!! The official exchange day( as another blogger posted -- D-Day, cute pun, huh!) is August 2nd (that makes not quite 6 months from mastectomy to final surgery!!). It is an outpatient couple hour surgery. My tissue expanders will be removed (that can not come soon enough!) and my soft new implants will be placed!!! I can't wait to no longer have misshapen, hard boulders!! My surgery is on a Friday and the nurse told me I can most likely return back to work on Monday. She told me I am tough, so I probably can handle it. HA! I don't know if I have ever considered myself tough.
This last weekend I went dress shopping for some summer weddings I will be attending. I now can say... It is extremely hard to go dress shopping with misshapen boobs. That means absolutely no V-neck or lower cut necklines. Also it helps to find something with a little ruffles to distract from the shape. I also have noticed now that it is swimsuit season... I will need a new swimsuit. I don't plan to buy a new one this year, since I am not quite sure of my shape and size until after August. My swimsuit now, well we will say it feels a little inappropriate. I bought me a new swimsuit last year. A slimming swim dress with a V-neck. I chose a V-neck because I never had much in that area and helped keep me from looking quite so small. Well now that I am not that small and now somewhat misshapen... it doesn't look quite right. So I just hurry and get in the pool with the boys and try to stay in the water up to my neck! I am excited for swimsuit shopping, I will have so many more options now.
I spoke with my plastic surgeon this last appointment about us moving to Florida. He said I could have my exchange surgery done down there if we wanted to move sooner. I said no way. I want to finish up here with who I know. My husband and I agreed that we needed to get this done before we move. My surgeon did tell me to get a consult with a plastic surgeon down there, that way if I need something I am already established as a patient. Sometimes after implant surgery, you will need fat grafting to help even out/smooth some of the areas, that is some things I can have done there, if needed. I no longer need to go to KC weekly, although it has been much more enjoyable since Cain's uncle has started driving me. I am sure I was quite entertaining also! I was taking a valium before the trip to help keep the spasms down after my fills and well I am a talkative person anyway. So after taking the Valium, I became real, real talkative!! But hey... that shortens the drive, right:) With my surgery being scheduled August 2nd, I should be completely released by the middle of September. I say SHOULD BE, because you never know what can happen, but hopefully I got a my complications out of the way.
( people may think this while I am on Valium)
Another thing I have to say, this still makes me smile... A couple of posts ago, I had put how funny it was that it was completely appropriate to start a conversation with "Your boobs look great!" Well this last weekend, we went to visit my husband's grandma ( I love this lady, sweet, loving, caring, and funny woman). Anyway she follows my posts and keeps up fairly regularly about my surgery. The first thing she said to me when I walked in was " Hey Jess, nice rack!!" How can you not smile at that!?! Like I said, I love this woman (she has a great sense of humor)!! Seriously though... she is one of the most caring people I have ever met and is willing to do anything for anyone.
Well, It will probably be a little while before I have an update. I will be meeting with the surgeon a couple weeks before, to discuss the surgery and answer any questions. Other than that... my life better be pretty boring until then!! So until next time... Take Care!! I am almost done!! What! What!
~Jess
This last weekend I went dress shopping for some summer weddings I will be attending. I now can say... It is extremely hard to go dress shopping with misshapen boobs. That means absolutely no V-neck or lower cut necklines. Also it helps to find something with a little ruffles to distract from the shape. I also have noticed now that it is swimsuit season... I will need a new swimsuit. I don't plan to buy a new one this year, since I am not quite sure of my shape and size until after August. My swimsuit now, well we will say it feels a little inappropriate. I bought me a new swimsuit last year. A slimming swim dress with a V-neck. I chose a V-neck because I never had much in that area and helped keep me from looking quite so small. Well now that I am not that small and now somewhat misshapen... it doesn't look quite right. So I just hurry and get in the pool with the boys and try to stay in the water up to my neck! I am excited for swimsuit shopping, I will have so many more options now.
I spoke with my plastic surgeon this last appointment about us moving to Florida. He said I could have my exchange surgery done down there if we wanted to move sooner. I said no way. I want to finish up here with who I know. My husband and I agreed that we needed to get this done before we move. My surgeon did tell me to get a consult with a plastic surgeon down there, that way if I need something I am already established as a patient. Sometimes after implant surgery, you will need fat grafting to help even out/smooth some of the areas, that is some things I can have done there, if needed. I no longer need to go to KC weekly, although it has been much more enjoyable since Cain's uncle has started driving me. I am sure I was quite entertaining also! I was taking a valium before the trip to help keep the spasms down after my fills and well I am a talkative person anyway. So after taking the Valium, I became real, real talkative!! But hey... that shortens the drive, right:) With my surgery being scheduled August 2nd, I should be completely released by the middle of September. I say SHOULD BE, because you never know what can happen, but hopefully I got a my complications out of the way.
( people may think this while I am on Valium)
Another thing I have to say, this still makes me smile... A couple of posts ago, I had put how funny it was that it was completely appropriate to start a conversation with "Your boobs look great!" Well this last weekend, we went to visit my husband's grandma ( I love this lady, sweet, loving, caring, and funny woman). Anyway she follows my posts and keeps up fairly regularly about my surgery. The first thing she said to me when I walked in was " Hey Jess, nice rack!!" How can you not smile at that!?! Like I said, I love this woman (she has a great sense of humor)!! Seriously though... she is one of the most caring people I have ever met and is willing to do anything for anyone.
Well, It will probably be a little while before I have an update. I will be meeting with the surgeon a couple weeks before, to discuss the surgery and answer any questions. Other than that... my life better be pretty boring until then!! So until next time... Take Care!! I am almost done!! What! What!
~Jess
Friday, June 7, 2013
4 months today
I know I just updated a couple of days ago, but I realized today, it has been 4 months since my mastectomy!!! 4 months, wow! So much has happened in the last 4 months. I realize now, how quickly things have changed in a short amount of time. There were times I thought my tentacles (no not testicles for all you dirty minded people) AKA JP drains were going to be permanent attachments to my body. Or when I thought I was going to have my tissue expanders forever because my incision wouldn't heal. Now I am fully expanded and will be having surgery in 2 months for my implants!!! Time really does go fast. I feel great now!! This procedure really has been only a temporary inconvenience.
Today, I stopped by and saw some of my old ER friends. It has been over 2 years since I worked there. It sure doesn't seem that long. Also it made me think about, it has been over 5 years since the night that Dr. Hinkin spilled water on me and everyone joked about my water breaking, and then later that night Braydin decided to enter this world (5 weeks early). All my co-workers couldn't believe that happened. It sure doesn't seem that long ago. This has put a lot of this in perspective. 4 months is not a long time. Or to think 6 months total will be my time frame from starting my journey (mastectomy to exchange surgery). That isn't bad. Then all this will be behind me and I won't have to worry about breast cancer.
I look at my two boys 5 and almost 3. My baby is almost three!! He has a really cool birthday 8-9-10. And boy does he keep me busy!! He is head strong and a go getter. Also a little clumsy like his mom. He got his first black eye last week. I know that won't be the last. He is a talker like his mom. He doesn't quit and the things he says are hilarious. Tonight he said "mommy, I want to lay on your owies." Luckily I am not too sore tonight, but he wanted to snuggle and for a long time he couldn't because of the pain. My 5 year old will be starting kindergarten this year. He is my quiet one, more like his dad.
Lately, I have met several people who have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, diagnosed with BRCA mutation, or have known someone close to them with either diagnosis. I have had a lot of people tell me how much they appreciate reading my blogs. I have enjoyed this, it has been a great way for me to unwind and let my thoughts out. I hope I am able to help people. So many blogs I have read, have helped me along the way.
I wish I had more entertaining stuff to write about, but I just felt like writing. I still can't believe 4 months today since my surgery. That is a big milestone.
I am grateful I didn't have to face this decision before I was done having kids. I did nurse the boys for the first year with both of them and glad I had that opportunity. It would have been hard to make this decision before having kids, my heart goes out to all you girls that are/have faced that. On a different more humorous note... I love funny boob pictures.....
(soon... real soon, until then I have dangerous boulders)
(This is how I hope to feel after my surgeries are all done!)
A show I love is new girl... Maybe because her name is Jess
(mine will never have to go to boob jail again!)
Smile.... Life is short, enjoy it!
Until next time..... KEEP CALM AND CHIVE ON.....
(love the chive website... always a great place for a good laugh)
Today, I stopped by and saw some of my old ER friends. It has been over 2 years since I worked there. It sure doesn't seem that long. Also it made me think about, it has been over 5 years since the night that Dr. Hinkin spilled water on me and everyone joked about my water breaking, and then later that night Braydin decided to enter this world (5 weeks early). All my co-workers couldn't believe that happened. It sure doesn't seem that long ago. This has put a lot of this in perspective. 4 months is not a long time. Or to think 6 months total will be my time frame from starting my journey (mastectomy to exchange surgery). That isn't bad. Then all this will be behind me and I won't have to worry about breast cancer.
I look at my two boys 5 and almost 3. My baby is almost three!! He has a really cool birthday 8-9-10. And boy does he keep me busy!! He is head strong and a go getter. Also a little clumsy like his mom. He got his first black eye last week. I know that won't be the last. He is a talker like his mom. He doesn't quit and the things he says are hilarious. Tonight he said "mommy, I want to lay on your owies." Luckily I am not too sore tonight, but he wanted to snuggle and for a long time he couldn't because of the pain. My 5 year old will be starting kindergarten this year. He is my quiet one, more like his dad.
Lately, I have met several people who have recently been diagnosed with breast cancer, diagnosed with BRCA mutation, or have known someone close to them with either diagnosis. I have had a lot of people tell me how much they appreciate reading my blogs. I have enjoyed this, it has been a great way for me to unwind and let my thoughts out. I hope I am able to help people. So many blogs I have read, have helped me along the way.
I wish I had more entertaining stuff to write about, but I just felt like writing. I still can't believe 4 months today since my surgery. That is a big milestone.
I am grateful I didn't have to face this decision before I was done having kids. I did nurse the boys for the first year with both of them and glad I had that opportunity. It would have been hard to make this decision before having kids, my heart goes out to all you girls that are/have faced that. On a different more humorous note... I love funny boob pictures.....
(soon... real soon, until then I have dangerous boulders)
(This is how I hope to feel after my surgeries are all done!)
A show I love is new girl... Maybe because her name is Jess
(mine will never have to go to boob jail again!)
Smile.... Life is short, enjoy it!
Until next time..... KEEP CALM AND CHIVE ON.....
(love the chive website... always a great place for a good laugh)
Wednesday, June 5, 2013
That was one large article
So I have been slacking and haven't updated in a while. I am down to two more fills!! I get one tomorrow and I have an appointment next Thursday which I will schedule my exchange surgery then. I am so excited to no longer be going to KC once a week.
So this last Sunday, my mom and I were in the Manhattan Mercury paper. I knew the article was going to be in that paper, but I was shocked when I saw the article. Seriously..... the picture of mom and I took up half the page!! It was on the front page of section C. The title was "The Choice." I was impressed with the article, it was the entire front page and part of another page. I did laugh, because in the article they put how difficult the lack of activity has been for me since I was an avid runner. First off.....I have never considered myself an avid runner, I am more of a leisurely run sometimes, when the weather is just right kind of person. But she was right about how I am generally much more active than I have been lately. That has been driving me CRAZY!!!! I have been able to increase my activity drastically the last couple of weeks. Since having a driver and being able to take medication prior to my fills has been so much better. No more spasms or intense pain!!! Back to the article though... Mom and I took the picture during a Tornado watch.... It was so windy out... our hair was everywhere. I can't believe they were able to get a decent picture. Also, I never realized how much I look like my mom!! See that picture and there is no question, AT ALL! I must give credit to the author of the article. She did an excellent job. She talked about Angelina Jolie, gene mutation, background on the surgery. It was just a good article. Here is a link to the article, but unfortunately unless you subscribe to The Mercury, you don't get to see the entire article.
http://themercury.com/articles/one-woman-and-her-mother-decide-to-have-double-mastectomies
I am still trying to get used to not having any feeling in my chest. And I think I lost more than breast tissue during my surgery.... I have lost any coordination I previously had (which believe me, wasn't much anyway). Today when I got out of the company van, it was a tight squeeze between the vehicle next to me and I no kidding hit the side mirror with my chest and thought I was going to break off the mirror!!!!! Luckily I have no feeling in these rock hard boulders. How would I have explained that to my boss. Well you see, here is what happened.... I was walking by the van and no kidding my chest broke the mirror. Have I mentioned before that I can't wait to have my exchange surgery...these tissue expanders are horrible..... and now a bit dangerous. Kind of reminds me of the movie Cry Baby (I used to LOVE that movie)... Any girls out there that have seen that movie know what I am talking about. I would definitely have the upper hand in that fight! HA HA!
This is what I feel like right now:
So this last Sunday, my mom and I were in the Manhattan Mercury paper. I knew the article was going to be in that paper, but I was shocked when I saw the article. Seriously..... the picture of mom and I took up half the page!! It was on the front page of section C. The title was "The Choice." I was impressed with the article, it was the entire front page and part of another page. I did laugh, because in the article they put how difficult the lack of activity has been for me since I was an avid runner. First off.....I have never considered myself an avid runner, I am more of a leisurely run sometimes, when the weather is just right kind of person. But she was right about how I am generally much more active than I have been lately. That has been driving me CRAZY!!!! I have been able to increase my activity drastically the last couple of weeks. Since having a driver and being able to take medication prior to my fills has been so much better. No more spasms or intense pain!!! Back to the article though... Mom and I took the picture during a Tornado watch.... It was so windy out... our hair was everywhere. I can't believe they were able to get a decent picture. Also, I never realized how much I look like my mom!! See that picture and there is no question, AT ALL! I must give credit to the author of the article. She did an excellent job. She talked about Angelina Jolie, gene mutation, background on the surgery. It was just a good article. Here is a link to the article, but unfortunately unless you subscribe to The Mercury, you don't get to see the entire article.
http://themercury.com/articles/one-woman-and-her-mother-decide-to-have-double-mastectomies
I am still trying to get used to not having any feeling in my chest. And I think I lost more than breast tissue during my surgery.... I have lost any coordination I previously had (which believe me, wasn't much anyway). Today when I got out of the company van, it was a tight squeeze between the vehicle next to me and I no kidding hit the side mirror with my chest and thought I was going to break off the mirror!!!!! Luckily I have no feeling in these rock hard boulders. How would I have explained that to my boss. Well you see, here is what happened.... I was walking by the van and no kidding my chest broke the mirror. Have I mentioned before that I can't wait to have my exchange surgery...these tissue expanders are horrible..... and now a bit dangerous. Kind of reminds me of the movie Cry Baby (I used to LOVE that movie)... Any girls out there that have seen that movie know what I am talking about. I would definitely have the upper hand in that fight! HA HA!
This is what I feel like right now:
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