First of all, it has been a great day. I was able to have my left drain pulled today. It finally got down to 25ml/24hr!!! Yeah!! It feels amazing, but now my right drain is very irritating. It is just now getting down to 30ml/day. I am thinking Saturday will be the day!!
I have also had a weird emotional kind of day. Had a lot of time to think. My BRCA mutation is a BRCA2 deleterious mutation. Deleterious just means dangerous. The BRCA2 though also has increased risk for prostate, melanoma, pancreatic and colon cancer besides from the obvious breast and ovarian cancer. So I have been putting off making an appointment with the dermatologist. It has been recommended that I have my skin checked once a year for any changes. I don't feel that I have noticed anything abnormal, but it is scary. I don't want to admit that I tanned a lot in high school and periodically for several years after high school. I knew the stupidity of my choices then, I just hate to think about it. I am now the poster child for sunblock. I put it on every day under my make-up. I know that does not make up for all the years of stupidity, but I can't change that.
The other thoughts I have had today, is when do I tell the boys? After they turn 18, after they graduate college, when they get married? I don't know. I don't want them to think I have been hiding anything from them, and I want them old enough to understand. I want to tell them before they have children, not that I think this should change their mind on having children, I just feel they need to be aware. It would have never changed my mind on having children. Having this mutation just means we need to be proactive. Or do I tell them when they are teenagers, when they wonder why I am still freaking out about not letting them out of the house without sunblock. My poor boys are going to have to do what I do, find some really awesome sunless tanner. You can get some really good kind anymore and I just put it on after I shower every couple of days to keep me from looking quite so pasty. Trust me.... if I didn't you would think I was horribly sick. I need a little color. Sunblock doesn't really allow for that much.
Luckily our family has not had any pancreatic cancer that I am aware of. My genetic counselor said pancreatic cancer does not tend to "pop up" out of no where. You will tend to have a long history of pancreatic cancer in the family. I would have to ask around a little, but I do believe there has been a lot of prostate cancer in family (how to tell that to the boys, when I inform them of this).
Those are my thoughts for the day.........
Thursday, February 28, 2013
Wednesday, February 27, 2013
Drains, Drains, Drains
Well, I was supposed to see the plastic surgeon yesterday. My appointment got canceled since KC was expecting their second blizzard in less than a week yesterday. So first thing this morning I called Dr. Ponnuru's nurse. Dr. Ponnuru is out of town until next week. Since I am a nurse, I was given the go ahead to have someone pull my drains if they remain at or below 30ml/24hr. My left drain has been at 30 ml/day for 4 days except on Monday it was up to 35ml. So if today my left one remains at 30ml I can pull it tomorrow. YEA!!!! Now if my right one would ever cooperate, it has been at 35ml/day for the past 5 days. My next appointment with Dr. Ponnuru is Tuesday March 5th. I am hoping he will sign my fit for duty form so I can go back to work on Wednesday. March 6th is 4 weeks post-op. Since I have been a problem child with my drains, I don't know if I should push it and ask Dr. Ponnuru if I can run in the St. Patty's Day fun run on March 16th. Not quite sure how I could talk him into it. I could go along the lines of "it is only 2 miles...." Ha! I am not sure if he is even going to let me go back to work March 6th. Plus just taking a shower makes me want to take a nap. I doubt cardio is in my near future. I need to start doing something though!!! I have been on the worst junk food kick lately. Potato chips are awesome!!! I am starting to feel soft though. Junk food plus having to sit in the recliner all day. That is not good for the body. Guess that is all for now. Lets hope for drains out by the end of the weekend!!! Sweet!!
Tuesday, February 19, 2013
Thankful
As I sit here in my trusty recliner (we spend a lot of time together). I have been thinking quite a bit of what I am thankful for. First of all, I am thankful for my self esteem. It is not easy to have yourself mutilated and changed so much with in a matter of hours. Don't get me wrong I have wonderful friends who remind me that I will still have perfect boobs when I am 80! And hey that is a plus. I think about how emotional I still have been with all this, if I didn't have a fairly good outlook for myself. It would be a lot more difficult. So note to self (and for everyone else)...... The best gift you can give yourself is SELF ESTEEM!!!!
I am also very thankful for my family. My family has been ultra supportive during all this. My husband still is doing all the housework and cooking (who am I kidding, he always does the cooking!!) while I am still recovering. He continues to let me know, my health is much more important than my outward appearance. (and we can't forget, one day I will have perfect boobs or foobs or whatever you want to call them.... that just makes me laugh when I think about it) My boys are doing great with knowing I can't pick them up right now. It is now more difficult for me than it is for the boys. All my extended family has been wonderful, too. I love how my boys can make me laugh at any given point. Connor makes my drains so much more tolerable, because I always get a good laugh when he calls them my "pumps". Braydin right now likes to say the silliest of things, like earlier he ran up to me and whispered "mashed potatoes" and ran off. Or the boys lately at the table will bend down to where you can't see them, and one will pop and say "blue cat" then bend back down, then the other will pop up and say "red cat" and then bend back down. I don't know where that game came from, but it makes me giggle.
I am thankful for all of our friends (church family, coworkers all included). Our friends have been more than supportive. From having the deacons at our church provide us dinner for the first week home from the hospital, to the gift bags from friends, flowers from family. I feel truly blessed. I was given another gift basket from work today. It was so sweet. What was so amazing was all the actual thoughtfulness that went in to making it. One nurse gave me 2 boxes of Andes Mints (my all time favorite candy ever!!!) I also had a bag of chocolate candies (kit-kats, reeces, peanut butter cups, etc..). I think it is an evil plan to make me gain weight. HAHA. They gave me reading material and stuff to pamper myself. Gift card for dinner, and a reminder to take it easy and rest (Yup, its official.. they know me as well as my family). Just truly wonderful. I have friends texting me just to check how I am feeling and to let them know if I need anything. Those are the wonderful moments in life. When wonderful people in your life let you know "hey I was thinking of you." Another person who falls in the category of friends is our childcare provider. There isn't a way to describe when you feel 100% comfortable that your children are being taken care of, loved, and are learning all in a single day when they are away from you. Especially while I am home "resting" and my boys are at childcare. I have a lot of time to think (or stress...whatever you want to call it). At least I do not need to stress about my boys safety.
Well I think that is enough sap and emotions. I just hope everyone knows that you all have a special place in our hearts!!
I am also very thankful for my family. My family has been ultra supportive during all this. My husband still is doing all the housework and cooking (who am I kidding, he always does the cooking!!) while I am still recovering. He continues to let me know, my health is much more important than my outward appearance. (and we can't forget, one day I will have perfect boobs or foobs or whatever you want to call them.... that just makes me laugh when I think about it) My boys are doing great with knowing I can't pick them up right now. It is now more difficult for me than it is for the boys. All my extended family has been wonderful, too. I love how my boys can make me laugh at any given point. Connor makes my drains so much more tolerable, because I always get a good laugh when he calls them my "pumps". Braydin right now likes to say the silliest of things, like earlier he ran up to me and whispered "mashed potatoes" and ran off. Or the boys lately at the table will bend down to where you can't see them, and one will pop and say "blue cat" then bend back down, then the other will pop up and say "red cat" and then bend back down. I don't know where that game came from, but it makes me giggle.
I am thankful for all of our friends (church family, coworkers all included). Our friends have been more than supportive. From having the deacons at our church provide us dinner for the first week home from the hospital, to the gift bags from friends, flowers from family. I feel truly blessed. I was given another gift basket from work today. It was so sweet. What was so amazing was all the actual thoughtfulness that went in to making it. One nurse gave me 2 boxes of Andes Mints (my all time favorite candy ever!!!) I also had a bag of chocolate candies (kit-kats, reeces, peanut butter cups, etc..). I think it is an evil plan to make me gain weight. HAHA. They gave me reading material and stuff to pamper myself. Gift card for dinner, and a reminder to take it easy and rest (Yup, its official.. they know me as well as my family). Just truly wonderful. I have friends texting me just to check how I am feeling and to let them know if I need anything. Those are the wonderful moments in life. When wonderful people in your life let you know "hey I was thinking of you." Another person who falls in the category of friends is our childcare provider. There isn't a way to describe when you feel 100% comfortable that your children are being taken care of, loved, and are learning all in a single day when they are away from you. Especially while I am home "resting" and my boys are at childcare. I have a lot of time to think (or stress...whatever you want to call it). At least I do not need to stress about my boys safety.
Well I think that is enough sap and emotions. I just hope everyone knows that you all have a special place in our hearts!!
Monday, February 18, 2013
Follow up
Well I had my follow up with Dr. Connor (Breast Surgeon) and Dr. Ponnuru (Plastic Surgeon). First off.... My pathology report is negative!!!! I now have less than 3% lifetime risk of breast cancer. (much better than my previous 80-85% risk!) I am healing well. I still have more drainage than what we would like. So I still have my drains. Dr. Ponnuru reminded me that I am to be recovering during my recovery!!!! That means do absolutely nothing. That sounds like an easy job with a 2 and 4y/o. huh. I have gone the last couple of days without needing any narcotics for pain, except right before bedtime. That is a huge step. It has also helped my nausea tremendously! I am feeling pretty good today, although being in the car for 2 hours (one way) did make my stomach turn some. I am not too bad now. I guess I am not real talkative right now. Maybe time for a nap. I have another follow up with the plastic surgeon on February 26th. Hopefully my drains will be removed then!!!
Friday, February 15, 2013
My Journey So Far
Well, I debated back and forth about wanting to start a blog about my journey or not. I never did well like English in school and never cared for creative writing growing up, but seriously it came down to that I am recovering at home today by myself and I need to vent. This first post will be quite long. My journey started back in July of 2012. That is when I was given the news that I had a BRCA mutation. I received this news one week before my husband was to start working in Oklahoma during the week and would only be home on the weekends. I was home during the week with a 2y/o and 4y/o and stressed and felt alone. Within weeks of my husband taking that job he decided to find something else closer to home. Thank-Goodness!!!! I was an emotional mess and needed my husband more than ever. I decided fairly early on that I would have a prophylactic bilateral mastectomy with reconstruction. I did not even want to think about having to go through chemotherapy. My first appointment with the breast surgeon was on October 15,2012. I also had a mammogram (my first ever!) and a breast MRI scheduled earlier the same day. Once I was done with the test, I went to see the doctor. I was told then that there was a suspicious spot on my mammogram and the breast surgeon could palpate it. It was so small I would have never found it! The doctor decided that I needed a needle biopsy that day and I would get results in the next to 3-5 days. Luckily my results were benign. That was the longest few days of my life..... I knew for sure at that point that I did not want to go through the stress of that again. I also was told that I had a couple of suspicious lesions on my MRI and that they would like to repeat my MRI in 6 months. So in November I met with the plastic surgeon to discuss reconstruction options. There are several different options available, permanent implants and a couple of different autologous tissue procedures. At first being told you could pretty much have a tummy tuck and breast reconstruction all at once. Why not!!! Well the PS (plastic surgeon) told me I had enough fat on my belly and thighs to really only reconstruct one breast. So tissue expanders and silicone implants it is!!!
Now came to scheduling. After changing my surgery date 3 different times, February 6th was the final date. (3rd times a charm, right!)
Preparing for Surgery:
I could tell in January that I was getting nervous, anxious, and scared about my surgery. My husband seemed to be a little more distant in January which didn't seem to help my stress level. Which come to find out later, he was just as stressed. Just kept it to himself.
I had pre-op appointments, lab work, fitting for post mastectomy under garments. Also getting everything at my job all lined up since I was going to be on FMLA for a while.
Day of surgery (February 6th)
I had to be at the hospital by 5:30 am and nothing to eat or drink at midnight (of course...you never want anything in your stomach before surgery). My husband seemed so calm and I was a stressed out maniac. I could have hated him that morning for being able to be so calm (J/K I love him dearly, but it seriously was not fair). At about 7 am they kicked my husband out of my pre-op room. We gave our hugs and kisses and I cried a little (of course I did, I am a girl!) I had a paravertebral block and then was wheeled to the operating room. I warned anesthesia of my week stomach and they placed a scopolamine patch behind my ear.
Waking up from surgery
Once I was in recovery, and was able to stay awake longer than 3 seconds they brought my husband back. That is when I saw the fear and stress in his eyes. It was the first time I have ever seen that kind of emotion from him. He sat out in the waiting room for over 7 hours without getting an update. He (like any other human being) started to think the worse. At that point, we both realized how much he had been stressing about the surgery, he just didn't display it like I did. Well I stayed in recovery for a little over 4 hours before I got a room in the hospital. The hospital was full and I needed to wait for a room to open up. I was horribly nauseous and got sick 3 times that night, even with the scope patch, Zofran, and Benadryl. That night my husband went to sisters house (she had our children while I was in surgery) and fell asleep the same time as our kids. He was worn out!!
Next morning
I didn't sleep well. Between the nausea and having to get up to the bathroom about every hour and half (they must have given me a lot of fluids in surgery)! I was told that morning I would be able to go home, I just needed the doctors to write discharge orders and get the scripts written that I needed. The main one I was concerned about was Zofran! I had a 2 hour drive home and didn't even want to know what it would do to my stomach. I was finally discharged around 4:30-5:00pm. It was so great to go home!!
At home:
Well my husband was so sweet and supportive, he treated me like I was going to break for several days! Would help the boys sit on my lap (can't pick them up, 10 lb weight restriction). Get me whatever I needed. Needless to say I am 9 days post-op today and he know longer considers me so fragile!
Our church has been so wonderful. They brought us dinner every night for one week after I was discharged!!! That was such an amazing gift that they provided for us!!
Today (February 15 )
Now I get to just vent!! (warning pity party involved!!!!)
I feel crummy!!! I have been nauseous all morning long! I have felt miserable for the past 2 days. Yesterday I was achy and exhausted. Today I am nauseous and exhausted! Then that makes me an emotional mess!! I just want to get back to feeling normal again. I think I have over done it earlier this week. And now I am feeling it. Have I ever told you how much I hate nausea!?!?!? I hate sitting in the recliner all day long!! Oh and I hate my drains!!! I have JP drains on each side..... They are horribly uncomfortable!!! Connor thinks they are pretty cool.... He calls them my "pumps". Kids are so funny!! I hate how I can't pick up my boys right now! Ok I feel better! I had some chicken noodle soup while typing this. And my sick feeling is starting to go away. I also need to remember this is temporary! This is much better than the exhausted, crummy, achy, and nausea feeling that I would have with chemotherapy. I plan to keep up with this since I still have a long journey ahead. I have a follow up appointment on 2/18/2013. I hope to find out my pathology report then. (remember those suspicious spots on the MRI.) Hopefully everything comes back normal!
I found several blogs prior to my surgery, which helped me tremendously prior to surgery I could see what other woman went through. I met an amazing young woman who is my age that had the same surgery I did on February 5th!! It has been wonderful to talk and vent with her! I hope my blog can be of help to someone down the road. I will not be posting any pictures of my recovery ( I know it is just a surgical site, I just personally don't feel comfortable posting pictures) I did find it rather helpful to read blogs that had pictures. So I will include one blog in particular that did an excellent job at photographing her recovery. My difference is that I had skin/nipple sparing surgery and she did not.
http://lianne-brca2.livejournal.com/profile
Thanks for letting me vent!! I will try to keep up on this!
-Jess.
Now came to scheduling. After changing my surgery date 3 different times, February 6th was the final date. (3rd times a charm, right!)
Preparing for Surgery:
I could tell in January that I was getting nervous, anxious, and scared about my surgery. My husband seemed to be a little more distant in January which didn't seem to help my stress level. Which come to find out later, he was just as stressed. Just kept it to himself.
I had pre-op appointments, lab work, fitting for post mastectomy under garments. Also getting everything at my job all lined up since I was going to be on FMLA for a while.
Day of surgery (February 6th)
I had to be at the hospital by 5:30 am and nothing to eat or drink at midnight (of course...you never want anything in your stomach before surgery). My husband seemed so calm and I was a stressed out maniac. I could have hated him that morning for being able to be so calm (J/K I love him dearly, but it seriously was not fair). At about 7 am they kicked my husband out of my pre-op room. We gave our hugs and kisses and I cried a little (of course I did, I am a girl!) I had a paravertebral block and then was wheeled to the operating room. I warned anesthesia of my week stomach and they placed a scopolamine patch behind my ear.
Waking up from surgery
Once I was in recovery, and was able to stay awake longer than 3 seconds they brought my husband back. That is when I saw the fear and stress in his eyes. It was the first time I have ever seen that kind of emotion from him. He sat out in the waiting room for over 7 hours without getting an update. He (like any other human being) started to think the worse. At that point, we both realized how much he had been stressing about the surgery, he just didn't display it like I did. Well I stayed in recovery for a little over 4 hours before I got a room in the hospital. The hospital was full and I needed to wait for a room to open up. I was horribly nauseous and got sick 3 times that night, even with the scope patch, Zofran, and Benadryl. That night my husband went to sisters house (she had our children while I was in surgery) and fell asleep the same time as our kids. He was worn out!!
Next morning
I didn't sleep well. Between the nausea and having to get up to the bathroom about every hour and half (they must have given me a lot of fluids in surgery)! I was told that morning I would be able to go home, I just needed the doctors to write discharge orders and get the scripts written that I needed. The main one I was concerned about was Zofran! I had a 2 hour drive home and didn't even want to know what it would do to my stomach. I was finally discharged around 4:30-5:00pm. It was so great to go home!!
At home:
Well my husband was so sweet and supportive, he treated me like I was going to break for several days! Would help the boys sit on my lap (can't pick them up, 10 lb weight restriction). Get me whatever I needed. Needless to say I am 9 days post-op today and he know longer considers me so fragile!
Our church has been so wonderful. They brought us dinner every night for one week after I was discharged!!! That was such an amazing gift that they provided for us!!
Today (February 15 )
Now I get to just vent!! (warning pity party involved!!!!)
I feel crummy!!! I have been nauseous all morning long! I have felt miserable for the past 2 days. Yesterday I was achy and exhausted. Today I am nauseous and exhausted! Then that makes me an emotional mess!! I just want to get back to feeling normal again. I think I have over done it earlier this week. And now I am feeling it. Have I ever told you how much I hate nausea!?!?!? I hate sitting in the recliner all day long!! Oh and I hate my drains!!! I have JP drains on each side..... They are horribly uncomfortable!!! Connor thinks they are pretty cool.... He calls them my "pumps". Kids are so funny!! I hate how I can't pick up my boys right now! Ok I feel better! I had some chicken noodle soup while typing this. And my sick feeling is starting to go away. I also need to remember this is temporary! This is much better than the exhausted, crummy, achy, and nausea feeling that I would have with chemotherapy. I plan to keep up with this since I still have a long journey ahead. I have a follow up appointment on 2/18/2013. I hope to find out my pathology report then. (remember those suspicious spots on the MRI.) Hopefully everything comes back normal!
I found several blogs prior to my surgery, which helped me tremendously prior to surgery I could see what other woman went through. I met an amazing young woman who is my age that had the same surgery I did on February 5th!! It has been wonderful to talk and vent with her! I hope my blog can be of help to someone down the road. I will not be posting any pictures of my recovery ( I know it is just a surgical site, I just personally don't feel comfortable posting pictures) I did find it rather helpful to read blogs that had pictures. So I will include one blog in particular that did an excellent job at photographing her recovery. My difference is that I had skin/nipple sparing surgery and she did not.
http://lianne-brca2.livejournal.com/profile
Thanks for letting me vent!! I will try to keep up on this!
-Jess.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)