Pity Party for two....

So today was my follow up and plan for my first fill.  To start off, I want to remind everyone that I had 175ml a side to start with.  Well, the nurse prepped me for my fills and gave me 30 ml on each side.  She told me that the first one is 30ml a side and then 60 ml side after that if you can tolerate it.  After my fills were complete, Dr. P. came in to check my sutures before the nurse removed them.  Dr. P didn't like the look of my right side incision again.  I had an approximate 3 cm dehiscense on that side. (which is the separation of the incision).  There isn't anything you can really do to prevent it.  At my last surgery the doctor had sutured and dermabonded my incision to keep it intact and it still split open.  Well today Dr. P resutured that spot, applied dermabond also.  After he was done he didn't like how much tension was on the sutures so he had the nurse remove the 30 ml that were placed on the right.  After the 30ml were removed, the doctor decided to have the nurse remove another 35ml to decrease the tension that much more. So now I have 140 ml on the right and 205 ml on the left.  I will need to wait 2 weeks and return to have my sutures removed and to have an expansion done then. I didn't ask, but I assume once my fills get started, I will just have 10-15ml less placed on the left until I am evened out.  I am to contact the dr. immediately if my incision starts to separate again.

So I was emotional again when I left the doctor's office. I called mom and she is good at encouraging me and reminding me that at least I am not dealing with cancer and a year from now I will realize that these were all minor setbacks. I kept thinking as I was leaving the office, I am so glad I get a long so well with my surgeon.  Because I seem to cry every time I leave his office.  I know it isn't his fault. 
  He is great to get along with and explains well what he is doing and why.  I appreciate that so much.  Also, I asked him today if this was going to extend my activity restriction and he said no.  Thank- goodness!!!  I did tell him how happy that made me.  I also said that I as worried that if I was to stay on the activity restriction too much longer that I was going to need lipo along with my reconstruction.  He just laughed and told me that I didn't have any fat cells.  He at least knows the right things to say to make me feel better! :-)

So to explain the title....  I have this wonderful friend I met before my surgery.  I have mentioned her before.  She had surgery the day before I did.  She has been such a wonderful person to talk with during this process. We both have had different types of minor complications and setbacks.  When I was leaving the office today, I saw she had a bad day today and posted on facebook.  " A pity party for one"  Well I commented below saying "Make that a pity party for two, please." 
On my wonderful 2 hour drive home, I have an amazing amount of time to think.  I began to think about everyone has setbacks, everyone has bad days, and I know there are people at there with a lot tougher time than what I am having.  I began to think about a blog I have been reading by this amazing woman who has advanced breast cancer.  She knows her time is near, but she talks about her motivation to keep fighting for every day she has left.  She has amazing spirit and faith.  She had me so emotional the other day.  She is continuing chemo to extend her time.  She talks about the fatigue, nausea, and weight loss.  She takes it with such grace that I admire.  The other day she wrote how she felt like one of those blow up punching bags that kids get.  You punch it and no matter how bad the blow, it always bounces back.  Over time that punching bag loses air and just can't bounce back anymore.  This woman talked about how she was just out of air that day.  Emotionally, mentally, and physically out of air.  I must remember that my punching bag still bounces back after a bad blow. 

Thank-you everyone for my pity party.  I probably will not have an update for 2 weeks since not much is going to be happening until April 11th.

So until next time...  Everyone deserves a pity party once in a while.  Just remember to bounce back and don't let any road blocks stop you!

Waiting, Waiting, Waiting.... Was that patients or patience?

"If it wasn't for my patients at work, I would have no patience at all."  <-------That is me.  I have to wait a week to have my first fill and to have my sutures removed.   When I left the Dr.'s office, I called mom frustrated that I still haven't moved on to the next step.  My mom tried to remind me to look at the whole picture.  She said "remember this is better than having cancer and said don't you want your dr to be a little cautious instead of pushing you before you are ready."  She then told me to try to remember to be patient.  That is a virtue that I was not gifted with at all.  In all fairness, neither was my mother. I remember not too long ago when mom had too wait longer than she wanted to have her drains pulled.  She was so frustrated she had said "I am going to pull them out myself and say they got caught on something and pulled out."  Of course she wasn't serious and had to wait.  I reminded her to try and be patient.  We are great at giving the advice, but not following it.  That is a wonderful trait that I obviously inherited from my mother.  I have inherited such wonderful qualities from her.

So onto the second part of my waiting.  I then asked the dr about my activity.  He kind of chuckled and said "has it been six weeks since your surgery?"  I piped up excited "Yes! It was six weeks yesterday!"  He laughed "Since your second surgery....."  I was like you have got to be kidding me! 4 more weeks on activity/weight restriction. You mean to tell me 4 more weeks before I can pick my boys up? Our conversation continued on to include "that means no running through the month of April."  I don't know what my husband told that man, because he knows me all too well!!!  I wanted to say "Are you going to be including a complimentary liposuction with my exchange surgery?  I am afraid I am going to need it after being on an activity restriction for over 10 weeks!!" So four more weeks of no activity. Yuck! 

On my way home from the dr. appointment, it was lightly raining.  It was just light enough that I needed to use washer fluid every few minutes to clean my windshield and I ran out of washer fluid.  So I go to the rest stop on interstate to buy some.  Right then my mom calls and I told her that I ran out of washer fluid.  My mom said "oh no, do you know where your washer fluid goes?"  I start laughing and ask mom "Did you really just ask me if I know where my washer fluid goes? Of course I know where it goes, do you not know where it goes?" Mom --"no"  I laugh hysterically and refrain myself from lecturing mom on basic car maintenance. I wanted to say "Do you know where your oil goes?  Do you even know how to check it?  Remember a car takes gas and oil to run..."  So the last part I learned the hard way.  I seized up the engine in my BMW, because it had an oil leak (which I did not know)  and I allowed it to get to low on oil. When my dad found out what I did, his face got beet red and I do believe I saw smoke coming out of his ears. Note to all teenagers who think they know everything....this is not the time to say to your dad   "We can all agree that I have had enough punishment since my car doesn't run anymore, right???"  HAHAHAHA!!!! I am lucky to be here today after that smart a** comment.  Have you ever heard the comment, never poke an angry bear? Yea my dad was quite the angry bear that day. 

 (My dad that day)

Enough with my rambling on and on. Even though I am having to be reminded to have patience. This isn't forever and will be all over soon.

Until then Keep Calm and Chive On!!!  ~ Jess

First week back to work

Tuesday was my first day back to work.  It has been so great to see everyone!  I have been exhausted this week.  I don't know if it was from returning back to work or getting used to daylight saving time.  Now it is Saturday morning and I am sitting in my trusty recliner, relaxing.  I am still on my weight restriction, but it has been great to increase my activity. 

I have a post-op appointment with Dr. Ponnuru on Thursday.  I am still hopeful for my first expansion.  My incision look great.  I assume he will remove the sutures on Thursday.  I am actually starting to feel fairly normal, no drains, no pain, the only thing is my tissue expanders are rock hard (hate it, but that's normal). I have added a picture for anyone who is reading my blog who has had tissue expanders.  This picture was sent to me from a friend I met who had surgery 2 years ago.



Earlier this morning I decided to catch up on some of the other blogs I follow.  One girl had her 1 year Bilateral Mastectomy Anniversary the other day. On her page it said "what would you do if you knew you were going to get cancer?"  Through this whole process since July I heard all the statistics 85% lifetime risk of Breast Cancer, already having suspicious changes on my mammogram, etc... Even hearing "its not if you will have cancer, but when?"  I guess it never really hit me (until today)that one day I was going to hear those words that no one wants to hear. So today I sit here and think what would you do if you knew you were going to get cancer?  My answer.... Everything I can to keep that from happening.
  I feel great!  I am happy and healthy.  My family is happy and healthy. What more could you ask for? So here is some more humor for everyone:
(Lets hope I never look like this!)


Everyone have a wonderful day!!!!!!!!

Talkative

I had my quick minor surgery today.  The technical term for my surgery was a Bilateral Mastectomy Scar Revision.  What the surgeon did was remove a couple of bigger scabs I had and brought the wound edges together and sutured them shut.  My incisions looked a lot better than expected once the scabs were removed. I had quite a bit more healthy tissue under my scabs than what we originally expected!  I don't have a whole lot of sutures.  I was able to have just conscious sedation instead of general anesthesia.  Which was definitely a lot better for my nausea. I was still given a cocktail of anti-nausea medication due to my history.  I don't remember a lot of the procedure, but I do remember being quite talkative at the beginning and the end of the procedure.  I remember telling the scrub tech when they removed my grounding pad "that isn't bad, I wax and that's much worse!" hee hee hee..... I hope I didn't make a total fool out of myself.  When Dr. Ponnuru went to talk to Cain he told Cain that everything looked good and in fact that I was doing great and talking.  He told Cain that I  said after the procedure "oh there is plenty of day left for Cain to take me shopping!"  Cain told Dr. Ponnuru "Is there anything stronger you can give her to make her want to sleep and just go home?  :)  The Dr was laughing told Cain something about ethics, etc...  Then Cain  (being the smart a$$ that he is)  Said "oh ethics is that the name of the meds you are going to give her?"  I am so glad this surgery was a lot less stressful for Cain and he has had a great sense of humor all day. 

When it was time for discharge, I had been given sprite and saltines and told to increase my diet as tolerated.  Well I wasn't nauseous at all and feeling extremely hungry at that point and decided on Sushi!! I am sure that is not what Dr. meant by having me increase my diet as I tolerated, but it was so good! It just makes me giggle now to think, right after surgery , sushi is what I wanted. Well, I didn't make Cain take me shopping, I figured maybe I should recover a little bit today.  So we went straight home after eating. 

I have a follow up appointment on March 22.  I hope I get to have an expansion then!!!  I can't wait!!

On a total different note I would like to add for any woman planning to have a mastectomy or recently had a mastectomy is to get this book; The Breast Reconstruction Guide by Kathy Steligo.  I had heard great reviews on the book, but figured I was going to walk in, have a bilateral mastectomy, reconstruction, and do great and have no complications.  Not that I have had big complications, mine have been minor nuisances, but this book has everything!!!  I was able to download this book on my nook for $10.  Totally worth it!!

Also... Happy Birthday Cain!!!!  This hasn't been the most exciting birthday for you, but thanks for being there!

Two steps forward one step back

I had my follow up appointment yesterday.  I got my last drain removed. Woo Hoo!!!  I feel amazing. It only took 4 weeks.  I got reminded again to take it easy this week to prevent any fluid build up.  So here I am on my trusty recliner for the next several days.  I got released to go back to work on March 12!  How about that.  Finally I get to get out of this house.  Absolutely no lifting.  Just computer and paperwork.  FUN! Since I got sternly reminded (not lectured) to take it easy, I decided that was not a good time to ask if I could start running again.  So the St. Pattys day run is out.  But hey, it is getting to that time of year again, so here soon. 

The reason I don't get to go back to work on Monday (Cain's birthday) is I am going in for another surgery. (that's my one step back) I felt so bad when I called and told Cain that I had to have another surgery on his birthday.  I started to get tearful feeling like I was ruining his birthday.  He just laughed at me and told me to quit being such a woman.  He said we will celebrate his birthday on Saturday and now he doesn't have to work on his birthday since he will be taking me to surgery.  It will be a quick outpatient procedure.  I have to  have a revision done on both sides along my incision.  In two places I still have some scabbing and my edges are not well approximated (the edges are not touching).  The doctor wants to peal back the scabbing and see how my healing is underneath. I can't start having my expander fills until I am well healed.  We don't want to put pressure on a weak incision. I may need a few sutures placed to help heal me up. So as I sit here typing this I am drinking my "wound healing smoothie"  It has yogurt, milk, kiwi, strawberries, banana, oatmeal, and protein mix.  Sounds tasty huh!!  It is not too bad, but the protein mix can make it sort of chalky tasting.  I am not usually big on the whole "smoothie, shakes, protein drinks, etc..."  but right now it can help me get a lot more protein and nutrients that I may not otherwise get right now.  My appetite has not been at its usual since I haven't been allowed to do anything other than sit in this chair.   So I figure any extra nutrition to help promote wound healing can't hurt.  I also am going to try to increase my water intake. Blah. Blah, Blah.... my normal speech to tell patients, but now that I am the patient I don't listen. Go figure!

Well everyone enjoy your day!

Jess