Mother of the year?!?

I went for another fill yesterday.  I felt great after my last fill, since I had a driver I was able to take my medication prior to my fill.  This time since I felt great, they filled me an additional 5ml to each side.  I still feel great.  The first night is always a little tight feeling.  I feel like I have too small of a bra on, but that is a much better feeling than spasms every couple of minutes! I feel great today.  I am thinking about trying some simple aerobic exercises to start increasing my activity since I have felt like such a lazy bum.  And I can tell with how my jeans fit, I need to start increasing my activity.  I should probably quit eating potato chips also.  My next appointment I will be meeting with my plastic surgeon and discussing how many more of these fills I will need and possibly be scheduling my exchange surgery!! What! What! You heard me I am almost done.  That light at the end of the tunnel is finally visible!

(How cute is this shirt, Luckily I am almost done and don't need it anymore)



(that sounds appealing... doesn't it?)

I met with the reporter from the local newspaper on Tuesday.  That went well, she was super nice and seemed truly interested in the subject.  She was a year younger than me and seemed amazed at the idea of making such a drastic decision at my age.  I guess I never had the chance to think about what I was doing until I did it.  I had a one track focus once I found out about the mutation.  It was all about getting everything in order for surgery.  The reporter asked me if I would recommend this procedure to other patients.  I felt that was one of the toughest questions.  I do not regret my decision at all, but this procedure isn't for everyone. I highly recommend anyone with this gene mutation and breast cancer in their family to look at all options. There is definitely some other less invasive options, but in the end you have to look at the future and decide what you can handle. I decided being told I have cancer wasn't an option. I didn't want to stress every six months when I had my next round of test is this going to be the time.  I am anxious to see the article.  I will let everyone know when it will be published.  I believe they want a picture and the photographer hasn't gotten a hold of me yet.  Maybe I should get a hold of my hair stylist and have her fix me up before hand.  :) 

I don't feel as talkative today, I am glad to not have any complications to talk about.  So maybe I should talk about my mother of the year situation!  I have been using the roll on icy hot on my back after fills.  It does help me relax a little more.  Well, I had it sitting on the end table and didn't think much about it.  Until Cain came in the room and Connor had licked it.  Yes that's right, he licked it.  Poor kid.. he was like "my tongue burns!"  Just picture it sounding more like a drunk with a swollen tongue.  Luckily, it wasn't very much and milk worked wonders to calm down the burning. I did call poison control.... I call poison control over anything, even if I am not sure if my kids put anything in their mouth.  They have to think I am a crazy, neurotic mom!!  Luckily the type of icy hot we have does not contain aspirin in it, otherwise we might have had a little more to be concerned about.  I think he knows not to go near that again.  This just goes to prove kids can get into anything quickly. Always keep medicine locked up and on a high shelf! 

(I have a feeling, I will see this in my future....)

So your boobs look great

I was going to wait until my next appointment to write another blog entry, but a few things have gone on and I decided to write. 

First off, one of the local doctors has taken care of my grandma and several other family members of my family so she is familiar with our BRCA gene and what our family is going through without even being my doctor.  Her husband works for  the local newspaper, The Mercury. She contacted my aunt to see if my mom or I would be interested in talking to the paper to have an article written.  When Angelina Jolie first spoke out, mom and I were impressed and talked about how great she was able to help raise awareness, but when it came to either one of us to help we both were a little unsure.   It took us a few days to think about it and discussed it with the rest of the family. I don't know why we were so unsure, this is a small community. Manhattan has approximately 30,000 people and up to 55,000 with the students (we all know college students don't read the newspaper).   We ultimately decided to go ahead and do the article, so I should hear from someone this week.  I do want the information out there that this procedure is available to more people than the rich and movie stars.  I also would like to get correct information out.  Naturalnews.com is at it again.  I CAN'T stand that website (that website makes my job a WHOLE lot tougher), but this has topped the cake.  Here is the title of their recent article regarding Angelina Jolie,  Angelina Jolie Inspires Women to Maim Themselves by Celebrating Medically Perverted Bilateral Mastectomies.  What!?!  Are you kidding me?  I was fuming by the end of the article. The comments at the bottom of the article are even better.  One woman who claims she can cure all cancer.... by some type of VooDoo blah, blah, blah.... I am in no way saying this procedure is for everyone, but in their article (and all their articles) everything can be cured or prevented by healthy eating.  Did you know every person has the ability to prevent (and cure) cancer by proper eating?  I am firm believer in healthy eating and healthy lifestyle, you can prevent several issues with eating right, but to say healthcare is strictly a money making business. It just irritates me that all their claims are not backed by anything.  I am science oriented and if it is fact your results should be repeatable.  I also understand with medical technology that this procedure will not always be the way to treat woman with a BRCA mutation, but at this time it is a good option for some women.  Think about years ago when one of the few options to treat breast cancer was with a radical mastectomy..... those were barbaric.  We have better options now than then, but that was your option then.

My last fill I had on Thursday was great!! Cain's uncle was able to give me a ride so I was able to take my medication before the procedure. That made a world of a difference!!! I have not had a single spasm since!!! I will no longer be driving myself.  If Cain's uncle can't drive me for one f them, then Cain will be driving me.  Talking with the doctor this last time, I am almost done with my fills, I am at 345 ml each side! This weekend we took the boys camping for the first time.  It was a blast!! I was worried about me being uncomfortable the entire time with just having a fill the day before, but it was great and I felt wonderful.   Unfortunately our camping weekend was cut short due to bad weather coming in.  I can't wait until our next camping trip!

This weekend I also got to see my cousin that I haven't seen since Christmas.  She cam up and asked how's it going? And I said "oh you know dealing with grumpy kids (they were worn out from camping)" Then she said "your boobs look great!"  I was cracking up.  We talked a little about the procedure, she was BRCA negative.  It was just funny how our conversation started.  How often is it completely acceptable to start a conversation by saying "your boobs look great!"  I talked about how I will no longer need to use padded or push up bras again.  We talked a lot about boobs.  Well, my poor uncle (he is fairly quiet anyway) was sitting at the table also.  He just looked at another family member and said "I really don't need to hear all this."  LOL, all of us woman in the family have become very open about talking about our boobs.

I want to add another blogger for you to check out.  She is close to the same track as I am right now.  She also came saw the same article I did.  The article had shown up on my twitter feed first thing in the morning after Angelina Jolie spoke out.  That was such a great way to start the day. Here is her blog:
http://bilateralmastectomy.wordpress.com/

Here is a picture for you...
( Hello Kitty implants, some things just make you go ..... huh?)


The shirt I want:


I want to have it changed to "Yes, They're fake the real ones would have killed me.
Since I didn't actually have cancer...mine have not tried to kill me, yet.

My husband wants one that say "They're real if you can touch them" Classy huh!!! 

Have a good week.

What do Angelina Jolie and I have in common....

I decided to write my post early this week.  I don't go to the doctor until Thursday, but there shouldn't be any change.  Get a fill, have spasms...... the usual.  One thing, my husband's uncle has offered to drive me to my appointments!! I originally didn't think I would need anyone to drive me to my appointments, my first several fills went great, but my last two have been tough.  My husband and I wanted to keep the boys schedule as normal as possible, so we had decided to have him not drive me and I could deal with the pain.  I am so excited to have my husband's uncle drive me, I am taking pain medication before my appointment!!! This is a big deal to me.  He is going to drive an hour to pick me up, drive us 2 hours to KC and 2 hours back, then he will have to drive another hour home. He is promising me that I am not a burden. 

Anyway, on to my title of this blog.  I have seen a lot of fellow bloggers write about Angelina Jolie having her prophylactic bilateral mastectomy.  My husband told me it is we both have great looking "Brad Pitt" kinda guys.  I said "of course honey".... but she has a BRCA mutation also.  It is a big decision to make.  It is great to see women who have an influence get the word out there.  A lot of women do not feel they have this option.  They feel this is only available to movie stars "who can have anything they want."  This is not the case.  My insurance has paid for my surgery/reconstruction process without question. 

Us "previvors" have been questioned, judged, etc.... with remarks as "isn't that a bit extreme?"  I have mentioned numbers, statistics, blah, blah, blah in other posts.  This is how I put it is perspective.  If you were told you had a 90% chance of winning the powerball....... would you buy a lottery ticket?  Years down the road this may be obsolete.  There may be better options out there.  Right now I am not waiting on what if's and possibilities of new options that may not come in time.  I can't look at my boys and not think I didn't do everything possible to be here for them.

Motherhood = a lot of guilt.... I feel guilty when I don't "cherish every second of motherhood."  I feel guilty when I get frustrated and just want a minute of peace and quiet.  Nothing was like the guilt I felt the other morning.  I was still extremely sore from my last fill and still having spasms.  I was asleep Saturday morning, Cain was already awake with boys.  Braydin came in to lay down beside me and put his arm acrossed my chest to hug me.  I awoke from my sleep in horrible pain and yelled for him to get off. He went down stairs tearful telling Cain that he hurt me.  I started crying immediately after I woke up and realized what happened and felt horrible. Braydin is already my sensitive child anyway and then I yelled at him when he was trying to be sweet.  I came downstairs crying looking for Braydin (not because of physical pain, but because how bad I felt).  By the time I found him, he was ok and playing and moved on.  I had him sit on my lap and I tearfully told him how sorry I was.  He looked at me with those bright blue eyes and said "it's ok mommy, I love you."  He also gave me his blankie to help me feel better.  How does that make me feel..... even worse! He is so full of love and trust.  I want him to keep that as long as he can.

My friends have been so great and motivational.  They cheer me on and cheer me up.  I had one friend get a hold of me today saying...... You had this done before it was popular. What can I say I am a trend setter. HA! I love humor.  Having a great sense of humor can get you through anything!

Hope you all have a great week!!! See you next week, unless something weird happens before hand!

What a process

I had another fill today.  I am still even!! I am now at 320 ml a side!!! I had a long, LONG drive home.  I made it down the street from the hospital before I started having spasms.  It is always my right side.  It is with it being my dominant arm and that muscle is stronger it resists more to being stretched.  I stopped at a mcdonalds down the street from the hospital  I read on a different blogger's post that she used mcdonalds straws to breath through to help focus out the pain.  I tried a kwik shop straw last week... it was too small and hard to breath through. A mcD's straw works better.  After I got the straw I sat in the parking lot for about ten minutes to allow the spasms to calm down.  I didn't feel too comfortable in the neighborhood, I was parked right by a bus stop so there were a lot of people around.  I just locked my doors, played my music and tried to zone out for a little bit.  When I got back on the road, I held my seat belt off my chest and didn't use my right arm to drive.  I was able to decrease the amount of spasms I had on my drive home that way. I sneezed once...... THAT WAS TORTURE!!! Ha! I am now sitting in my trusty recliner with my heating pad, not doing too bad.  Had my Valium Rx refilled.  I have to take Valium at night for the first couple nights after a fill to keep the spasms to a minimum.  On my drive home, I saw a couple of kids hitch hiking.  They looked to be in their younger 20's.  I was tempted to pull over and tell them I will get them to Wamego, if one of them were willing to drive. LOL.  They looked nice enough, but in the amount of pain I was in, my perception could have been distorted.  At that point if someone had a gun to my head, but told me they were willing to drive.... I would have said they seemed nice enough. So long story short I didn't pick up the hitchhikers.  But I hate to admit how tempting it was!!!

My post are probably going to be about the same for the next few weeks... getting fills, having spasms, etc. Exciting huh!! So I decided to add some other stuff.

First all..... Happy Nurse's Week!!! I work with a great bunch of nurses, and I have previously worked with some awesome nurses!! Having great co-workers makes working a whole lot more enjoyable.  I also want to say Happy School Nurses Day!  You guys are awesome!  I would like to especially extend that to two of my favorite nurses I used to work with that are now school nurses... Heather and Tammy... you guys rock!  Also I would like to thank the school nurses in Pottawatomie County that I work with on a regular basis.  You guys work hard and have to deal with me on a regular basis... You have a tough job :)

(I may no longer work in the ER, but I have a special place in my heart for all you ER nurses!)

I also heard it is Teacher's week.  Happy Teacher's Week to all you teachers out there!! You have a truly amazing gift.  You have more patience and provide lifetime skills for so many children.  There is not enough good things I can say about teachers! 

I also that I would add some adorable pictures of the most amazing boys in the whole world!!!

My husband and I for his birthday.

(Braydin and I, me sporting the "mommy" look, yoga pants, Tshirt, no make-up and hair in a ponytail)

(Left to Right: Connor, Me, and my two sister in laws)

(Connor and I being silly with hats!)

 

So the last thing I will talk about on this post is, Cain and I have finally finished season 3 of Walking Dead.  We now have to join the rest of the world and wait until season 4.  On that note I will now leave you all a picture of my Hollywood boyfriend. :)

 

Who would have thought a redneck with a crossbow could be so sexy.  Thank-you Hollywood!!!

Have a good week!!!!

I hate alarm clocks!

I have a confession to make.  I love, love, LOVE the snooze button.  I seriously am the person who sets the alarm clock fast so I have more time in the morning to hit snooze.  A very dangerous situation I put myself in every morning.... morning math when you are half asleep.  Definition of morning math:  trying to remember how fast I set the alarm clock to figure out the correct time and determine how many more times I can hit snooze before I will be late.  Yea great plan I know...works well!  haha.  Anyway, I have a whole new reason to hate the alarm clock.  I have not had the "chest contractions" like I did that night after my last fill.  I do my post- mastectomy stretches several times a day and can keep myself comfortable, but I have a new morning problem.  The alarm clock goes off and I now try to reach over to hit my beloved snooze button when I am stopped mid stretch with a horrible spasm. So now I  have horrible pain in my right arm/chest that I can't move, I can't catch my breath due to the spasm and that D&%* alarm clock is blaring in my ear!! I no longer get to enjoy the snooze button.  It takes me close to 5 minutes before I can ever reach it.  I swing my legs over first and try to sit up strictly using my stomach muscles and then when my chest quits hurting, I can hit snooze.  Well, that process isn't any fun, so I don't try to repeat it 3,4, or sometimes 5 times a morning. Since the change of my alarm clock habits... I get to work in plenty of time in the morning.

So here is my new morning routine.  After spending 5 minutes trying to turn off the alarm clock.  I get up grumbling and complaining.  Yes....my husband calls me "his little ray of sunshine" in the morning.  My youngest is just like me in the morning (he is a very evil child if you wake him up).  So after I get up I head to the shower, have the water extra warm and try to do my first set of post mastectomy stretches.  Between the heat and stretches, it helps a lot to decrease the amount of pain I have during the day. All while telling myself..... This is temporary and this is worth it!!! 

Thought you all could use a laugh at how my mornings go!! I have to smile thinking about it.  Hope you have had a wonderful weekend!

Even at last!

I had another fill yesterday, which has finally made me even!! I am at 285ml on each side!  Woot woot!!! I am feeling it today though.  Typically after my expansions I feel a little tight the night of my expansions.  This time I have been having muscle spasms since last night.  On my way home yesterday, I was feeling extremely tight, but not having spasms then.  I couldn't look over my right shoulder while I was driving home.  That makes for an extremely uncomfortable and somewhat scary 2 hour drive home! I just didn't change lanes often, since I couldn't look to see if anyone was beside me.  But I made it home.  Last night my muscle spasms were so bad it felt like I was having contractions.  Seriously... contractions in my chest radiating to my back.  I could have timed them and according to how close my "contractions" were.  I was close to having a baby any minute.  Ha!  This can be normal for some woman for the first 24-48 hours after expansions, but was a first for me. Luckily having a heating pad on my back helps tremendously to relax my muscles enough to decrease my spasms.  I went to work this morning for a meeting and felt like a complete nerd because I had my heating pad during it.  Luckily I have understanding coworkers who didn't think twice about it. 

So I thought I would give some tips for people like me who put sunblock on everyday regardless if it is summer or winter.  I am scary pale without sun!!! I means seriously scary!  The words from my brother in law "you look like a vampire!"  Thanks D!!!  So I figured I have two options, I could put glitter on and try to pull off the whole vampire look or I can learn how to apply sunless tanner like a pro.  I went with the second option. First of all..... the best sunless tanner ever is Fake Bake Sunless Lotion with the blending mitt!! I get it from Amazon for $15 bottle and with prime membership I get free shipping.  This stuff is awesome!! It can take a few applications to get dark.  But hey I would look funny if I try for a deep tropical dark tan, so for me one to two applications is great.  It is darker when you apply it to help you know what spots you have already applied to.  When you shower, a lot of it washes off, but you still have a nice, natural looking glow.  I like to apply this once or twice a week and then use Loreal Sublime Bronze gel in between uses of the Fake bake to help maintain color.  I also am a firm believer in exfoliating in the shower prior to application. I feel either the exfoliating mitts or exfoliating body scrubs both work.  Lastly, everyone hates the true signs of using a sunless tanner..... the dark spots around your ankles, knees, elbows, and wrists.  After I apply my sunless tanner I rub coconut oil on my feet, ankles, elbows, hands and wrist to help blend.  That helps a lot!  Also do not apply as much tanner to those places.  I have heard Xen Tan Blending Balm works wonders for those areas also, but I have not tried it yet.  I do plan to try it and will let you know what I think. 

I like to mention different blogs that I read.  The blog I want to mention is from my "breast friend."  She has had her ups and downs also with her surgery.  You can't expect to have such a drastic surgery without some setbacks.  She has taken hers with stride.  Such a strong amazing woman and I am so glad I have had the opportunity to go through this process with her. We just happened to meet through the FORCE website on facebook, but have been there for each other during our process.  I would highly recommend reaching out to other woman who are going through the process.  It is so nice to have someone to vent to, to ask questions with.  She has been on the same timeline as me.  Here is her blog:  http://shallowgenes.blogspot.com/

Time for me to go watch ......... The Walking Dead!! Have a good night everyone!!!!